Late night things – reintroduction to the blog

I miss this space. I feel like it’s an outlet for me, not that I’ve really considered myself creative. And sure people would probably say “oh sure Dawn, you’re creative” but meh, I get my ideas from other people, I’m not good at coming up with new things on my own.

When I first started this blogging thing I was discouraged by my so few followers or the little engagement that I received. Since then I’ve learned a lot and I care a lot less. Teaching myself that life is “perfectly imperfect”, really I try to tell myself this all the time. So basically what I’m wanting is to make this a place where I can ramble on about the things I do care about. This place will kinda be my brain but on the outside and open and raw and if you feel the same way I do, with whatever I’m putting out there then know you’re not the only one.

Moving on to tonight’s ramble…

Lately, I find myself trying to find the things that I enjoy and not what media is telling me to like. And it’s really hard. Trends and social media are strong influences. Maybe it’s cause I’m a new mom and I’m trying to “find myself” again but I also feel a little like I never did “find myself” in the first place.

And I’m talking like superficial stuff, so like “Do I really like succulents or is just because all my friends are posting their supes-cute greenhouse instagrams?” or “Do I even look good in rust orange or mustard yellow?”

I can tell you though, I don’t like pumpkin spice everything or 90’s fashions on adults or manicured long nails and perfect eyebrows. I do really like fresh flowers on my kitchen table and vintage window shopping with family and I reeeally want a pair of overalls for after this baby comes because I reeeally want to match my babies and be a garden-farmer and maybe some chickens, oh and sheep cause they’re cute.

Okay that is all, it’s late. If you also have thoughts share on my insta-post.

Does anyone even talk about lent anymore?

What’s the point of Lent if you’re just giving up chocolate for 40 days? Where’s the sacrifice?

To me Lent is about giving up something so you can draw closer to GOD. Cause that’s the point right?

It’s the lead up to Easter. The holiday of the bunnies, right? Well not exactly. It’s the time of year we remember the greatest sacrifice ever made. I think because it happened a rather long time ago it’s impact has been diluted. Someone actually died, for me and I feel like I need that reminder more then once a year to truly appreciate it.

Over the past couple months I’ve made the choice to recede from my community, and as an outlet for general life stuff I’ve turned to shopping. Which I feel has distanced myself even more from wanting to connect with the Lord. Consumerism is a sickness.

This Lent season I want to practice minimal spending and more mindfulness about where our money goes and how I spend my time and reconnect with my community.

I was looking for comfort in material things when I know that’s not where peace comes from. This Lent I’m going to TRY running to the arms of GOD instead. I’m human, I’ll probably trip on the way.

just some evening thoughts

I’ve never been a good writer. I’ve never been convincing with the words I’ve written or said. In fact, I’ve never been much good at anything really. I haven’t had any true talents. No extraordinary skills. Nothing stands out about me, I find myself rather plain.

I’ve always been the odd one out. Never really fit in with anyone or any kind of crowd. It’s uncomfortable growing up feeling like you don’t belong. For the most part I don’t have that one female friend who is my person. Most of my friendship are because of work, or shared husband’s friends, but I don’t have that “I’ll die for you” friendship with another female that I’ve longed for basically as long as I can remember.

I’ve always been a mix of personality traits. Kind of creative but really not creative at all. Outgoing but also cautious. I would take these personality quizzes and you’re given 4 options, I ended up splitting evenly over 3 of them. I never had my own personality fit.

You know that one toy you’ve played with as a kid that has all the different shaped blocks slipping into it’s rightful spot to join the others? I feel like I’m a shape that doesn’t have a designated place for me to slip through to join the rest.

These are just some things I’ve been pondering the last few nights, along with some other things that I want to share in this space.